Submission 258

To My Brother Ben,

It really doesn’t feel like seven months could have passed when the raw pain is still here every single day, yet the memory of hugging you tightly feels like a lifetime ago. I still pray to wake up and find that this has all just been a terrible nightmare.

Seven months of wishing I could turn back time — to do things differently and maybe have a different ending.
I hate that time moves forward when all I want is to go back!

I know how devastated you would be if you could see how broken hearted we all are. I know you would never want to hurt any of us — it was your suffering mind, that took you from us. I still find it so hard to accept that you’re not here- to me and many others, you were perfect. I’m so sorry Ben.

I hate that I don’t have the answers, I think I will spend the rest of my life searching for them and questioning everything.

I’ll keep writing you letters, just in case you can read them somehow. I really hope you know how much I love you and how much you mean to all of us.

And I know I say it all the time but I’m so proud to be your sister and I always will be. You weren’t just my brother — you were my role model, my friend and a person I trusted.

All I have now is hope — hope that each day brings me a little closer to you in another life.
I never stop thinking about you and my heart aches every day knowing you’re not here living a good life that you so deserved.

We all love and miss you so much, Ben. Sleep tight until we’re all together again Xxx