Submission 259
Dear Beautiful Ben,
I just miss you so much. I think about you every second of every day, and I think I’ll be sad about that for the rest of my life.
I miss so much about you. Your gorgeous smile, the little looks we’d share from across the room, the way you’d always get my favourite chocolate and would pull it out on the commute home. I miss how you knew I hated public affection but somehow always knew exactly when I needed it.
There’s so much I regret not telling you, wanting to act candid but I loved and miss the simplest of things the most, like watching you shower from my bed, the way you brushed your teeth, and only sleeping with the fan on, even when it was -1. The way you’d lose your keys every single time we went out and would spend the best part of the next day looking for them. I miss just lying in bed with you, especially after the coffee run — no words needed, just being together was enough.
Submission 258
To My Brother Ben,
It really doesn’t feel like seven months could have passed when the raw pain is still here every single day, yet the memory of hugging you tightly feels like a lifetime ago. I still pray to wake up and find that this has all just been a terrible nightmare.
Submission 257
Dear Nancy,
I often ask myself where I would even begin catching you up on everything you’ve missed. You’re an auntie, a role I know you’d have absolutely loved. I still can’t bring myself to delete our texts and you’re still saved in my speed dial list, I’m not sure why but it would just feel wrong to delete you.
Submission 256
Dear Harry,
Your birthday comes round so quick every year, another birthday i spend reminding myself of how much you have missed, how much you could have achieved or places you would have seen. It’s 8 years now since i saw you on your birthday. 8 years of missing you, 8 years of not being able to be your annoying little sister and come to you for advice as well as 8 years i got older and you didn’t…
Every milestone is dampened without your presence. I remember being your little sister always wanting to make you proud and i feel the loss of you when i’ll never know if you’ll be proud of me again because i can’t hear you say it.
Submission 255
A poem to my dad,
Gone, gone, gone
Why the fuck did you go?
There was so much to stay for
But I guess you didn't know
Or couldn't see.You left me to live without you
Bereft, destroyed.
The primal laws were broken
Never to be repaired.
Submission 254
To our beautiful boy,
Since you’ve left there’s been so many things that remind me of you. As times gone on it’s things that make me sad and happy in equal amounts. (More happy as we move forward)
When a new song comes out I think ‘You would love this’ and automatically imagine you singing it to us and sending us a video note. Then the pain hits like a punch in throat.
I often think wherever you are and whatever you’re doing I hope you get to hear these songs and you think of us too.
I’m sorry you had to go and I wish more than anything you had stayed but I’ll never be angry at you my darling boy.
Submission 253
Dear Mama,
Dear Mama,
It has been eight months since you left, and the pain is still unbearable. Every day brings new questions, with the same one echoing the loudest: why? I miss you every single day, Mama. It is not just a passing thought or a simple “I miss you,” but a deeper ache for the comfort of knowing I had my mum.
Some days I feel everything at once, and other days I feel nothing at all. That is the closest way I can describe grief. I have never wanted to say so much while saying so little, or felt so deeply while staying silent. I wish you had not felt so alone in your battle, but I know you would tell me to find peace.
Submission 252
To My Friend
There is not a day that goes by where I do not think of you. I do not blame you, and I’m sorry that I wasn’t there to help you through that day. I’m grateful to have had you as a friend for so long, and I’m proud of you.
Submission 251
Dad,
Dear Dad,
It’s been years since you left, but not a single day has gone by without your absence being felt. Since 2013, life has moved on around me, but there’s a part of me that’s been frozen in time—stuck in that moment when everything changed.
Submission 250
Mum,
Nearly a year after your last breath I still struggle to find the words to describe how I feel. You’ve left a huge void, but at the same time you are constantly on my mind, like a relentless echo, “mum, what have you done?!”…”mum, I love you”… “mum, please forgive me for missing your last call”.
Submission 249
Dearest El,
I miss you, I think I always will. I'm so, so sorry, beautiful. You never deserved that pain. You were such a kind and funny friend, and I'm truly, deeply sorry it ended the way it did. I hope where you are now is as beautiful and stunning as you are.
Submission 248
To My Beautiful Aunt,
We weren’t always close. Yet I felt the urge to write this letter.
I think of you often, you were such a kind soul - a failed one at that. I remember just before you had passed I had wanted to see you, as it had been so long since I had last. I felt as if that was some sort of sign that I should have listened to, and I blame myself for not visiting you sooner.
I was 14 when I lost you and now I'm 21. I’m sorry the system failed you. You should have never died, or died alone. You had your whole life ahead of you and I hate that you never got to see that. I know you were never the same after your mothers death so I don't blame you for going.
Submission 247
To My Forever,
I think about you so often. I think about the moments that I fight to remember. I think about the time we were so out of it under the stars, talking like life together would’ve lasted forever. I think about when you made me promise to continue life for us both incase something happened to you.
Submission 246
To my Best Friend,
At times it feels like you’ve been gone for so long, but sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday. The shock of losing you is like nothing I’ve ever felt. I knew things had been difficult but I never thought it would come to this. When you died, I felt angry that you hadn’t confided in me like you always had. Why was this time different? I felt like you were selfish and had ruined all our lives. I wish you’d just waited, in the morning things would have looked differently. I also felt guilty that I’d rushed you off the phone that day. Two years later I feel differently. I’m just so sad you’re gone, and you have already missed so much. I miss my best friend. I’ve really needed you at times, and my life is so different now. I wish you could see that.
Submission 245
Dear B
I’m writing this as we celebrate your birthday for another year— without you. There are so many things in this life that remind me of you, trigger a memory, small or big. Suddenly my eyes fill up with tears. I cry less frequently than I did in the first year, but I can still feel my breath catch in the back of my throat when I think about you, your laugh, your shoes, the way you sat on the couch, the constant twirling of your beard, the way you fit into my life.
Submission 244
To the funniest person I knew,
Hey. It’s been over a year now since you left. I remember the first day we met, we instantly connected. The way you’d light up an entire room without even trying is something I’ll never forget. I remember you telling me that one day you wanted to be a singer/rapper. I hope that wherever the universe put you now, you’re living that dream. I’m so sorry that life was never fair to you. I’m sorry that I didn’t reach out more once we both went back to our homes. I still feel your light on the days where things feel so dark. I can hear you telling me to keep going. So I will. I promise, I will. And someday, when my time is up, I hope we can laugh together again. Miss you every day, kid.
Submission 243
To My Best Friend,
Kayden... you were my best friend, I remember spending every night staying on call with you and soon falling asleep. We used to talk about everything together. I'm so glad I met you. And I can't wait to see you on the other side when I pass of old age in the future.
Submission 242
Dad,
Nothing is the same since you left us. There is a void that cannot be filled, and the world has changed.
I’m sorry you suffered for 2 years, you became a shell of the funny, charismatic Dad we once knew. It was nothing short of heartbreaking to watch you fall deeper into the darkness ,despite your efforts to get well again. You really did try, and I know that.
I want you to know I’m not angry, I understand you could no longer take the thoughts, and the torment of your mind, but the day you chose to end your pain, ours truly began. There is no pain like it.
Submission 241
Dad,
There aren't enough words I could put to paper, enough time in the world, or enough lifetimes that could hold the infinate amount of love I have for you.
Submission 240
Dear G,
You meant something to me, to all of us. I am so sorry we let you down this week. You left a hole no one could fill.