Submission 250

Mum,

Nearly a year after your last breath I still struggle to find the words to describe how I feel. You’ve left a huge void, but at the same time you are constantly on my mind, like a relentless echo, “mum, what have you done?!”…”mum, I love you”… “mum, please forgive me for missing your last call”.

“Remember the nice things about her” I am told by those who can still call or visit their mothers… “She wouldn’t want you to be sad” say those who don’t know that you would understand better than anyone my pain.

Devastation has filled my days and I am relearning how to live. The wind on my face, flowers, warm food, music… everything tastes different. Now I find rainy days soothing.

I miss you and I miss talking about you. Only a few people feel comfortable hearing about death, suicide and grief. So I’ve also learnt to wear a mask and pretend I am ok, but when I am alone I let myself sob and feel whatever comes my way. You would be proud of me. I am proud of how far I’ve come.

You will always be loved and live in my heart. I will always be your proud daughter, your little star

Lui