Submission 30
Ben,
485 days ago you left us. I never understood what people meant by the five stages of grief until you passed. I've been through all the stages but i don't think i've quite made it to stage five just yet. 'Acceptance'.
Submission 29
My beautiful best pal,
You're missed every single day. The world, my world, isn't the same without you in it. It's been almost 2 years and I don't think I've really accepted that you're gone, in fact it's easier to believe that I made you up and you didn't exist in the first place.
Submission 28
My big brother,
I love you.
I always have. I always will. I’m so sorry if you didn’t know that. You wanted love and I had it in spades for you. I always will.
Submission 27
Dad,
There are literally no words to describe the intense pain you feel losing someone to suicide. It hurts just typing it. I never ever thought it would happen to me. And then boom at 20years old I lost my best friend.
I carry the sadness and pain with me everyday and in everything I do. I may not speak about my Dad everyday but the pain, the memories, and his spirit are there.
Submission 26
Dear Brother,
I feel sad and angry you're not here to support me right now. It's not fair that I have to do this on my own. You could have been so helpful in times like this and I understand why it was so hard for you to stay. I don't blame you for why you left. I don't know everything, but I do know you did your best with what you had and what you didn't have.
Submission 25
To my Husband,
If I could just have our last moments together I'd change them and I'd tell you how much I love you, how much it would hurt if you left me but unfortunately that wasn't our destiny… we hadn't spoken for a few weeks until that night you messaged me and told me you loved me and our daughter, I didn't reply because I was so mad with you, if only I knew that that's the last text I'd ever receive from you. Id of messaged you back…
Submission 24
Dear Simon,
Even though it has been nearly 10 years since your passing away, we would like to reassure you that you are still such an important part of our lives.
A week does not pass when we don’t speak about you - ‘how much you would love Mia our new dog’, “do you remember coming here with Simon”, “Why do we have all these toolsets Simon gave us, especially as we are hopeless at DIY”.
Submission 23
To my best friend Aimee,
Words can't describe the loss I feel now you're not here. I keep typing and deleting what I want to say, but overall, I just want to say that I miss you.
Love Ashley x
Submission 22
To my darling daughter, my beautiful daughter Kiera,
I sit with my hands on the laptop, the one you bought me. Not sure where to start. I always knew I loved you, adored you. But your absence for the past 15 months has made me realise a lot of things about you, that in the fog that was our world back then, I didn't see so clearly.
Submission 21
Shane,
I am writing this letter because I feel it is time to share with you and others all the questions and emotions that for such a long time I was searching for and felt were always unanswered.
By unapologetically letting my pen be my honesty and the paper my vulnerability, I hope to try and understand how a single three letter word can still hold so much power over me, which is "WHY"?
Submission 20
To my brother,
It’s been so hard to get to a place of acceptance. Accepting that I nor anyone else could have prevented your death. No one saw it coming. There was no obvious signs. You knew you were loved. You were making plans for the future. You knew you would have support if you told us something was wrong.
Yet with all that, you made a decision that nine years later still rocks our family. I grieve your loss. I struggle with the trauma of your death. But I understand that it was your choice in that moment and nothing I or anyone else could have done to change it.
Submission 19
My Husband,
I cannot get the image out of my head and I can’t stop thinking he is angry with me.
Most of our 31yr marriage he struggled with mental health and I definitely believe that this was not dealt with properly whilst we lived in Devon so after that he refused to go back to see a GP.
Submission 18
To you Mum,
I'm not even sure what to say, I was never good with words, but you knew that. I didn't need to speak for you to know if I was OK or not. You just knew. I miss that.
Submission 17
Dear Jack,
The day you decided to gain your Angel wings was the day my world as I knew it ended, my heart hasn’t beaten the same since nor will it ever again. You were and will always be my first true love, my first born too excited to wait, you came 5 weeks early just in time for Christmas.
Submission 16
Dear E,
I shouted at you a lot yesterday and I'm sorry.
We were driving over a bridge, it had fresh flowers and Samaritans phone numbers on. My stomach just dropped through the floor of the car and I was crying because people had lost "their" E.
And then I was just so angry at you because I don't want to know what it feels like for them to lose their E.
Equally I don't want them to now be going through all the same horrific days I am, because I lost my E.
Submission 15
My Son,
I lost my youngest son to suicide, 27th August 2016. When the country was celebrating August Bank Holiday we as a family were grieving the death of my son. He had just turned 30yrs old, July 27th 2016.
Submission 14
Dear E,
I was laying on the sofa and watching TV
That’s when she messaged me.
To tell me you're gone
I didn't believe her, she had to be wrong.
Submission 13
Dear E,
If I could talk to you one last timeI'd say things from this silly little rhyme.
Submission 12
My dearest darling son Cal,
My heart is aching and hurting I miss you so much, life will just never be right. I miss everything about you, your scent, touch, hugs, kindness, support, kind blue eyes, your humour, our chats whilst sharing a spliff. You understand my own challenges in life. We flew as if we are on the same plane.
Submission 11
Dear Christopher,
I miss your hugs. Your voice. Your laugh. Your stupid jokes. Your cheesy grin. I miss my brother. I missed the signs. I wish I helped. So much regret.