Submission 110

To Abbs,

I always knew that, sadly, one day I would lose someone to suicide, but I never prepared myself for it to be you. I still remember the day I found out like it was yesterday. I had such a bad feeling when I was told that you were missing, and I knew in my heart that you were gone.

I’ve felt so lonely at times since you’ve gone. I’m constantly switching between a mixture of emotions like sadness, anger, pain, and even suicidal thoughts myself, which just make me feel confused and selfish. But I’ve just been hurting so much since you’ve gone, and it’s made the world seem like such an ugly place. I know all these emotions are normal, but that doesn’t make them any easier to deal with. I never knew how painful this grieving process would be.

But recently, I’ve felt more empowered to make positive changes and raise awareness of mental health because this is what you would want me to do. You know that it’s always been a subject close to my heart, but after losing you, it’s become even more important to me. You will always be at the forefront of my mind in everything that I do from now on.

I still feel like I could have done more. I don’t know if/when that feeling will go away, so in the meantime, I will just keep doing my job and everything I can to improve the mental health services and offer more support to people. I know I can’t save you, but maybe the work I continue to do can help save others.

Thank you so much for being there for me during my darkest times, and for all the amazing memories we made over the decade that we knew each other. I will forever be grateful to have had you in my life and I will never forget you. I really hope that you have found peace from your demons and that you are finally out of pain.

Love you miss you forever and always.

Lots of love from Chlo xxxxxx