Back to university and suicide loss

As September rolls around, it can signify the start of the school year, often bringing a subtle sense of a new beginning. Yet for those living with suicide loss, the return to university can bring a complicated and heavy mix of emotions.

Within client spaces, returning to university is frequently discussed from two distinct perspectives: students who have experienced a bereavement and are returning to higher education, and parents whose university-aged children have died, where this time of year serves as a sharp reminder of their loss.

The Student Perspective

University can be an isolating environment for many students. Factors contributing to poor mental health in higher education include moving away from home, academic and financial pressures, and the absence of familiar social and emotional support networks (Lewis & Stiebahl, 2025).

When navigating grief within the education system, returning after a loss presents unique hurdles. While extenuating circumstances can allow for deadline extensions, taking a longer break often requires putting an entire academic year on pause. Retaking a year after losing someone to suicide can bring up intense anger and resentment, alongside the difficult reality of watching peers move on while having to return to a year expected to be complete.

For others, it means experiencing the loss of a "normal" student experience alongside their grief. Attending freshers' events, joining societies, or going on nights out can feel near impossible or like putting on a performance. Deciding whether to disclose the loss to new flatmates and coursemates can add an extra layer of emotional exhaustion.

While universities do offer wellbeing support, such as short courses of counselling, what is on offer does not always feel like enough. A standard offering of six sessions for the entire year often feels insufficient to truly support someone carrying complex grief.

The Parent Perspective

Grief is frequently experienced through dates and key milestones, accompanied by thoughts of "this time last year..."

For parents whose children have died during their university years, September can feel particularly raw. This period can bring back vivid memories of the previous year—packing boxes, shopping for essentials, and preparing for the drop-off. The current season can feel painfully undone without those shared rituals taking place.

For other parents, seeing peers' children start university acts as a continuous trigger. From social media posts to adverts for "back to university essentials," these reminders can prompt painful guilt thoughts, such as questioning whether they should have let their child go, alongside feelings of deep sadness and resentment that other parents get to watch their children hit these milestones.

Living Beside the Weight

These experiences highlight how a period widely presented as a fresh start can be deeply painful for those living with suicide loss. For students returning to their studies after a bereavement and parents witnessing other families navigate these milestones, September and early October carry a heavy weight.