Many people find the lead up the worst part due to worry around the actual period, and how you’ll feel and what you will do. Deciding whether to keep to traditions/ rituals versus changing the plan completely can be difficult to navigate especially within a family dynamic.

We also heard a lot from our community that around annual holidays like Mother’s/Father’s Day or Christmas, there is often the consistent portrayal or merriment through TV adverts and music everywhere you go, can be really hard when are you not feeling in that spirit.

Of course during this time all deep feelings of missing the person whose died are amplified. Their absence from traditions or rituals, their physical presence at gatherings, not buying them presents and even their practical contribution to the time if there was one.

It’s important to rid any guilt around expectations of how you should feel or act during this period. Spending time thinking about what you would like to do is key and then communicating that with those who support you or those who you are spending the period with can make it a lot easier for everyone involved. It can also be useful to communicate a need for flexibility as you may feel different at the time.

Throughout our survey findings it was clear that the majority of our community either want to find ways to integrate the person’s memory into what they’re doing or instead change the plans/ normal routine completely. Some people went on holiday, changed the normal location or tradition and others focused on activities their person loved; wrote them a card or bought a present they would have bought them. Get creative with ideas and remember there is no right answer.

One aspect that can make the period harder is if you haven’t spent time thinking about what you’d like to do. Spending that time and importantly communicating your ideas with the people you’ll be spending the period with is a great idea, as it can release feelings of worry and ensures that everyone is aware of what you’re going to do and feels included in that. It’s also a good idea to plan in time for self-care, try to get out in nature as much as possible and avoid social media!